"Computers are useless, they can only give you answers."
pablo picasso
"The universe is merely a fleeting idea in God's mind - a pretty uncomfortable thought, particularly if you' ve just made a down payment on a house."
Woody Allen
"What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists?
In that case, I definitely overpaid for my carpet."
Woody Allen
"Not only is there no God, but try getting a plumber on weekends."
Woody Allen
"More than any time in history, mankind now faces a crossroads.
One path leads to despair and utter hopelessness, the other to total extinction.
Let us pray that we have the wisdom to choose correctly."
Woody Allen
"I don' t like spinach, and I' m glad I don' t, because if I liked it I would eat it,
and I just hate it."
Clarence Darrow
"The trouble with being punctual is that nobody is there to appreciate it."
Franklin P. Jones
"You can learn many things from children.
How much patience you have, for instance."
Franklin P. Jones
"Life is what happens while you are making other plans."
John Lennon
"The capacity of human beings to bore one another seems to be vastly greater than
that of any other animals. Some of their most esteemed inventions have no other
apparent purpose, for example, the dinner party of more than two, the epic poem,
and the science of metaphysics."
H. L. Mencken
"Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way.
This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining."
Jeff Raskin
"The devil can cite Scripture for his purpose."
William Shakespeare
"Get your facts first, and then you can distort them as much as you please."
Mark Twain
"In Paris they simply stared when I spoke to them in French;
I never did succeed in making those idiots understand their own language."
Mark Twain
"Always forgive your enemies - nothing annoys them so much."
Oscar Wilde
"A great many people think they are thinking
when they are merely rearranging their prejudices."
William James
"When I get real bored, I like to drive downtown and get a great parking spot,
then sit in my car and count how many people ask me if I' m leaving."
Steven Wright
"Don' t look back. Something may be gaining on you."
Satchel Paige
